Leo goes grr.

Today I drove up to the regional park, having decided that from now on that was going to be my exercise spot. Ps. If anyone wants to join me for a walk or jog, just call or message. While I was jogging, I thought about my life and where I was at the moment.

Ive noticed that lately Ive been living for the moment. I wake up, get my ass to uni when I have to, then go home. I socialise in class, but dont bother hanging out with those people, mainly because I dont have any breaks, or because I sit next to a different person each time I’m in class. Hence I know lots of people at uni, but hardly any of which can be called “proper friends,” or, as I call them, “sticky friends.”

Ive stopped thinking about the future, and live my life on a day to day basis. Sometimes, thoughts about my future pop in, but I just shove them out, and continue living in the present. I cant be bothered practicing my piano, I cant be bothered doing my uni readings, and I do anything I can to procrastinate. I dance around the house while doing house work, I paint trees, I go for walks and bike rides. I even waste my time on the computer doing jack shit sometimes, though exercise has been replacing computer time recently. I always want to socialise with someone, and always want to go out. 

Ive started exercising again because it makes me happy, its a healthy procrastination method, and it takes my mind off the fact that Im not socialising or hanging out with someone. Ive been going out a bit as well, enjoying the present (such as hanging with my cousin the other day). I flirt with boys, reject them, act like a luvo, and then spend my days thinking about the one guy I actually like. I feel like, although Im having fun at the moment, Im not getting anywhere. Ive stopped for the moment, and im making no progress.

I know ive always been lazy, and procrastination is one of my favourite hobbies, but I feel like the huge amount of ambition I had has just deserted me, and joined someone who appreciates it. I need to pull my disorganised life together again, reclaim my ambition, and start moving forward. I have to set myself some goals again, so I can strive to achieve them, and not pathetic ones such as “buy a Ghd.” “Play your piano,” “do your uni readings,” and “find a job” sound like good starter goals to help get my life back on track.

I’m back.